How are YOU spending this one precious life?
I ask because, I feel like I've woken up to some really big truths lately...
Like I've been asleep... waiting for things to shift in my favor...wanting something different that I just couldn't put my finger on...
And when I woke up, I realized I REALLY miss being a part of a mission-oriented team.
Not part time, variable (feeling like an "extra" instead of a valued part of the team) hours and paycheck.
That I miss sleeping next to my best friend.
That my kid gives me the teenage angst-filled rants and I take them personally.
That perimenopause was dropping tons of weight and landing it on this body.
That alcohol was an escape, and while it didn't do a great job of numbing me out, it sure did factor in with weight and anger. Isolation.
That my sleep sucked, and the bags under my eyes were getting bigger.
That my friends didn't seem to relate to what I was experiencing.
That I felt there was no escape.
So this is my big vulnerable post. I am hoping it can help someone out there who is feeling this isolated, too.
After six years, I've realized my worth and re-entered the work force. Full time. No apologies, no excuses, no un-worthy feels. Yes, I have a commute again, but it sure is pretty!
I've taken some time to sit some social stuff out, and get really real with my own self. My needs.
I've worked on getting clear, sober, and clean with my partner.
Had some hard talks.
Made lemonade with some of our challenges.
Realize that I'd pick him again, and that my stuff is it his stuff- it's all about how I alchemize it inside of ME.
I've recommitted to daily (daily) exercise, to help my metabolize come back up, found some metabolic magic help that feels really good, working on blood sugar and collagen -and cut out most of the dead calories- carbs I was ingesting.
My experience is worth it. This life is worth it. My family is worth it. This planet... Yep, worth it.
I choose this life. I choose to shine. I choose to not apologize for being ME. I choose to not fall into the "ooh so this is 51, and feel frumpy or sad!.. or Whatevah!
And I choose this life to return to its Magickal state, in all its nuances and love.